Thursday, February 16, 2012


photo from How Things Work site

Today I went in for an MRI on my right knee.  It was not unpleasant at all.  It took about 30 minutes or more, but they give you a warm blankie, a panic button to hold, earplugs, and headphones with music choices from Pandora.  I choose Adele, but only heard 2 of her songs.  If I have another one...I think I may ask for Gregorian Chants or maybe some Enya.  At one point...something about one of the songs caused me to tear up (I have been doing that a lot lately) and I realized I could not wipe the tears away because you can't move.  While I was lying there I thought about writing a poem...but after it was all over...I forgot what ever it was that I was thinking about.  I have been suffering lately with panic attacks again....and wondered if I would be able to get through this..but I did...and it was fine.  No attacks. Whew.    I am hoping the MRI will tell us what is wrong with the knee...and that it can be fixed.. so that I can start exercising a little more again.  As it is right now...if I stand on it for more than an hour it swells up and is very painful.  Sometimes, I have trouble sleeping because I can't find a comfortable position.
I still have not heard about my blood tests that I had a couple of weeks ago.  It usually doesn't take this long for the I will have to call the office and see what happened.  I went to the nurse practitioner for my annual checkup this time...and she gives me the feeling she has a fear of touching people.  It is just not what I am used to.  When she places the stethoscope on me...I can not feel it touching me.  Maybe she has dog hearing.  Also when she touched my ankles...I could not feel her touch.  Very strange.  Maybe she just "thought" the results to me and I didn't catch the vibes....  Ok...I know I am being a smart forgive me....I am just practicing how to speak more directly...and not hold things inside.  My self diagnosis of my panic that I don't verbalize my feelings in the right way.  Also...negativity from the news...etc. tends to tighten my muscles up...and before I know body is in a ball of tight knots.  I am hoping to get away for a few days so that I can just chill out and do some meditating.  I have been searching on line for some silent retreats.  I think those are usually done with a group...but I am just looking for myself...and have not found any place that is just for a single person for a couple of days.  Off to do some more searching....

If anyone reads this post...let me know if you have trouble reading it with this template.    I am wondering if that background is too distracting.


The Bug said...

The background is a little distracting, but it's not unreadable.

I'm glad your MRI went well - I DID have a bit of a panic attack the first time I had one (but it was on my shoulder so I think that I was further in the machine than you? And anyway their air conditioning was broke so it was HOT).

I'm learning more & more that you just have to be extra direct with health care professionals. They don't have time to guess what's going on - & sometimes they have a preconceived notion of what's wrong & unless you just TELL them, they won't know. That's been my experience with doctors lately anyway.

Good luck finding a retreat. Surely there's somewhere in your area...

Brenda said...

Well...who knew. I called to find out about my annual blood tests and they are sent via computer now. This makes me wonder when we are going to stop talking or writing letters all together!
Also...I have a torn cartilage. Going to an orthopedic Tuesday.

I closed my eyes the whole time so I had no clue how far in I was...but I am sure just to the waist maybe? My blog posts have been very vague and I am speaking in riddles sometimes. Being direct and less stressed is not really about the news or the Drs. More about just.. me being me.. and needing to make some changes...
Thanks for your visit!

Rudee said...

I'm running behind and I missed this post. I wasn't aware of what you were dealing with. Do you ever visit Kathleen at ?

She speaks of a retreat in Minnesota that sounds lovely. Perhaps you could email her. Perhaps you could find a retreat through your church. That said, chronic pain takes a toll on the soul my friend. A big one.

I hope all gets figured out, soon. And if the NP gave a bad physical, you should shop around.

bettyjf1 said...

I like the background :) I'm sorry about your knee Brenda. I'm with Rudee, shop around for a new doctor or NP.. Years ago I ran into that all the time.

I've heard of a retreat in AR.. John Michael Talbot (the singer/monk) is a place I'd love to visit for a retreat. It's a ways away from you. Brothers and Sisters of charity run it and I've heard it's fantastic.
Hope the Orthopedic is helpful.

Sandy said...

The background is just white and pink border. Oh ...just realized you probably already changed it since writing the post.

Good for you to speak up more. I only had one panic attack in my life, after my mom died. It came out of the blue like a few months later as I'm standing in line at a grocery store - awful.

I control my stress now by a mantra and a deep breath .....

I CHOOSE PEACE. and breathing slowly in and out for a minute or so.

I once read when choosing peace, you can't be projecting out fears and ruminating on stuff...

It REALLY works. I did this while in the hospital and my gargoyles would disappear.

and I healed quicker.


I think you would enjoy Corel (now THAT is a huge time waster)...ha.

you might be able to get a free trial on line for 30 days. It is Corel Paint Pro X or newer - if they still make that version.

Sandy said...

Just read you have a torn cartilage - how will that be treated do you know?

Sorry to hear that - ouch...

Brenda said...

I visited the link you gave me but I couldn't find her post about the retreat. I will go back later and see if I can find it though because I saw that there are a lot of them in St Paul..

There are a lot of retreats in Arizona and I know of John Micheal Talbot a little bit. I will check that out also. Thanks!

Yes...I know what you are saying....I use mantra's and breathing to get them under control and it works most of the time. Sometimes they just come out of the blue and are difficult to get control of.
I found Corel for about $60 on Amazon. I think I may have to get it!

Renie Burghardt said...

Glad they found out what is wrong with your knee. What will they do for it?

I get panic attacks often, especially lately. They are not pleasant. I take meds for it. Will have to try the breathing stuff. Ever since Eileen landed in Nursing Home, I am getting them often. It's a terribre ordeal for me, and I am praying that before something like Alzheimers happens to me, God just take me!

Sorry. Not been in a good modd lately. Hope all works out for you. A retreat sounds so nice.

Brenda said...

I think there might be some retreats around your area. Maybe we will feel better in the spring.:)

Sandy said...

Yeah, I hope you get Corel. If you like to sketch or draw, even the simplest sketch can be "worked" with and made into something better than it was...

Clifford 1994 to 2009

Clifford   1994 to 2009
The Best Dog Ever